We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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