My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
