This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
