He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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