dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
