I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
