you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
