He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
