He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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