I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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