lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
