I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
it's great music for shaving your balls
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
