Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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