the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
