I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
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he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
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I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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