The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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