respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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