I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she smelled like a LAN party
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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