Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
