We're facebook friends in real life
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You ate ashes out of my bong
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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