alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
