I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
