No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
