remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
