I'm jealous of your bromance
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
