I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
