My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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