Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
