god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We left the knife in your bed.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
