omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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