Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
