if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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