I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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