I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
