haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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