Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
