No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
