Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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