Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
