I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
