I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize