Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
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Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
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Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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