Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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