That's intense
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
