I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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