What a fucking waste of an outfit
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
