...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
