My boss' voice literally gives me gas
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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