I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have fence marks all over my body
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
