Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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