Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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