My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm like, not good at living.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
