STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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