The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
