A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
