You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
