If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We are two peas in an std pod
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
