Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
