yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
