You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
