ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
