you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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