Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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