in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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