I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
